8 Helpful Phrases To Calm An Angry Child

Anger is natural. But the sounds of door slamming, stomping feet and the “I HATE YOU!” do hurt parents.

Many are surprised that there can be so much anger in a child. It’s also very tempting to shout back a stinging reply but it’s something that no adults should do.

This is because at that moment, your child is already feeling that he or she is against the world on their own.

Maybe you have said something in reply that wasn’t helpful and you feel guilty.

It’s ok. You’ll do better the next time.

It is important to stay calm when you’re faced with an angry child because it’ll help the child calm down (after they release their anger or act out).

To be prepared, have a look through this list of powerful phrases that are proven to calm an angry child:

1. I Love You

It’s important to remind your angry child that you still love them.

That no matter how hurtful the words coming from them are that you’ll still love them.

This phrase should be repeated in a calm manner as many times your child will hear you.

2. I see that you’re upset

Or “I know that you’re upset.”

Letting the child know you can actually see their anger helps them become aware of what’s happening to their body when they are angry.

This allows you to talk to your child without trying to solve the problem immediately.

3. It is ok to be angry

Source: Manhattan Psychology Group

Preventing them from being angry invalidates their feelings and does not solve the issue at hand.

The child is clearly upset about something and is showing you, a trusted adult.

You may not understand their rage but right now, it doesn’t matter. They just need you to be there as they work it out.

4. Offer to be hugged

Sometimes all they need is a hug first. Keep in mind there are times where they’ll refuse any form of touch at the height of their anger so it’s best to wait it out a bit before asking.

My experience:

Since this article is not on Ncbaby.my anymore, I think I can afford to provide my genuine experience with kids who acted out.

During my time working in a kindergarten and helping out at childcare, I work with young children who were not able to verbalize their thoughts and emotions well yet along with children with special needs.

One thing that has always worked to calm them down was to go on my knees with my arms outstretched. It was to show them I was willing to give them a hug until they feel alright even if that meant they'll be screaming in my ear.

Notice that I didn't immediately hug them without permission. With my outstretched arms and asking if they want a hug, I'm putting the decision in the children's hands.

Once I embrace them in a hug, I'll either let them vent off via crying or screaming but they usually try to quieten themselves.

Depending on the situation aka what happened before the crying and anger, I might even explain to them why they shouldn't hit their friends etc to help them understand what's going on.

5. Would you like my help?

Providing the child some choices lets them have some of their own control of the situation. This also increases the probability of them accepting help from the adult.

6. I wonder if…

Sometimes there’s no good reason why the child is angry and they don’t know the reason as well.

Help them by giving some ideas such as “I wonder if you need to eat something. I wonder if you could use a nap. I wonder if you need a hug.”

7. I am going to…

When a child is screaming or stomping, they are often looking for your reaction.

It’s important to remain calm to create a calm environment. Let the child know your moves and plans so they know what’s happening next.

Some examples:

“I am going to wait over here until you are ready.”

“If you’re ready for a hug, I’ll be waiting in the living room.”

“I am going to move closer to you so you know where I am.”

“I am going to wait in the hall until you finish screaming.”

8. It is not okay to…

It is important to set limits and be consistent so they know where you draw the line.

Yes, they can show these big emotions and you’ll still love them but it’s not ok to hurt someone else by hitting.

Loving an angry child is tough because it’s exhausting for both parties but it’s important for both sides to learn how to manage this strong feeling.